Collected here are documents and images that show that Bert is Evil. Many of these documents were submitted by anonymous sources who chose not to be revealed. All the files have been verified and cross-referenced with the FBI and other Intelligence Agencies.
The following files may contain graphic information, please proceed with caution.
The JFK Assisination
In this rarely seen photo, we see Bert standing in the side lines a few seconds before the assassination of John F. Kennedy.
We have sources who claim that Lee Harvey Oswald and Bert were friends in Korea. Though no proof directly points to Bert’s involvement in this ghastly shard of history… we wouldn’t be too surprised if he was.
Bert takes Ernie to a Nudie Bar
We caught Bert dragging Ernie out of their apartment in Sesame Street and decided to follow to where they were going.
We were shocked to find the two in a Girlie Bar. Bert was forcing Ernie to get lap dances from all the ladies.
Poor Ernie went home crying.
The Rape of Prairie Dawn
Bert was caught trying to rape Prairie Dawn in the back side of Sesame.
If it wasn’t for Luis… Prairie would have been killed. There have also been similar attempts on Betty Lou and Zoe.
Hitler and his favorite General
During World War II, General Berhtolomue Kieffer III lead the SS in the burning of the Reichstag. He is known to be
one of Hitler’s most diabolical Generals. We have reason to believe that he is either a clone or an ancestor of Bert.
A photo from Ernie’s album
In this photo we borrowed form Ernie’s photo album, we see Bert smoking marijuana. He was very active during the
70’s and was once seen with famed mass murderer and lunatic Charles Manson. He was even rumored to have been
with Manson and his cult during the murder of Sharon Tate.
One of the few pictures of Bert with Mr. Hooper
This photo was taken only days before the death of Mr. Hooper. Bert’s evil intent so obviously emanates from his eyes.
We think he did it. What do you think?
Shoot Me Up Elmo
During the early drafts of the Elmo doll idea. This Prototype was released. It was designed by Bert in hopes of teaching
little kids to shoot up and extending his target market for drug trade. The plan was halted by Children’s Television
Workshop and was replaced with a more commercially viable doll.
Tickle Me Elmo is the devil’s tool!
Elmo has been exposed to be a Heroin and Cocaine addict before… now we expose him to be the Devil’s Messenger!
The “Tickle Me Elmo” doll has caused greed, capitalism, pain and war amoung the peoples of the world! It was the
number one selling toy the past Christmas season. You ask yourself “Why? What makes this stupid doll that says,
“Hahahehe– That Tickles!” be so coveted? The answer is in the backmasked message of the Doll! The Devil hides
his minions in cute disguises! Find out for yourself! Download the wav file of the Elmo Dolls voice with its speed
reduced by 100% and played backwards! It says “What the f*ck! Whoa! Hohoho!” If you don’t believe us find out
for yourself .
The Root of MJ’s Evil.
Our investigators recently uncovered this old photograph of young Michael Jackson standing with Bert who is
fondling his pelvic area. It is now clear where Michael Jackson’s pedophilia stems from. Bert molested him as a
child. He is only releasing frustrations and fears that have welled inside his mind for years. In an interview with
ex-wife Lisa Marie Presley, she confessed to us that Michael used to make her “Do the Pigeon” naked while he
sat across the room and watched.
We tried to interview the “King of Pop” about this but all he could say was “I am a gentleman.”
|** Bert at Woodstock**
Here is a photo of the mass hysteria of Woodstock, we see a man who looks a lot like Bert. Though nothing is evil
about Woodstock, this photo at least proves that Bert is not wholesome.
|** The OJ connection **
Dear Sir, Enclosed you will find a couple of snapshots of Bert conspiring with that infamous ex-football player,
ex-moviestar, ex-husband and axe-murderer, O.J. Simpson. It’s a well-kept secret that Bert was actually part of O.J.’s
defense team during the first trial, and was also the only person in whom O.J. fully confided. Interestingly
enough, photograph no. 2 was taken exactly ten minutes before the murders took place. (Also, did you know that
yellow lint was found at the crime scene? It’s true! It was exhibit no. 156a during the first trial). I know I am
putting you <and myself at risk for giving you all this information, but the truth must not be stopped. What are a few casualties for the good of man and muppetkind? Use this information well, and good luck.
Victor J. Zuylen
The Jimmy Swaggart Scandal
This is a photo of Bert and our favorite televangelist Jimmy Swagart caught in the act “Doing the Pigeon”. Taken
back in 1987, this shot was long withheld from the public to protect the Children’s Television Workshop. It was
recently sent to us by Jim Bakker.
Classified Documents of Mars SurveillanceBert and the KKK
It has long been rumored that Bert was part of the Ku Klux Klan. Latest evidence show that he IS part of the Klan,
but more surprisingly, some evidence points to the possibility that he is a founding member. The Klan’s pointed
cowl was actually patterned after Bert’s head. In these photographs, Bert is seen at the burning of the crosses
Previously unreleased, this was the original composite sketch of the Unabomber made from witness information,
but was redrawn because it was “kinda funny looking”.
In connection with the current FBI investigations into Bert, this original sketch was pulled out again because of the
striking resemblance to the muppet.
The case has been reopened and further developments will be posted on this pagefor more info on the Unabomber
go to CNN.COM
Document from FBI Alien Dossier
This photo taken from the Aliens Dossier of the FBI shows the images of the two most aggressive aliens ever
encountered on this planet . The Zeta Reticuli, allegedly responsible for the cattle mutilations, the ebola virus, the
bubonic plague and the nuclear age. The Zeta Berticuli, allegedly responsible for infommercials, the deformed frogs of
Minnesota and Nonoxynol-9. It is a well supported theory that Bert may be an alien or a muppet/zeta hybrid.
Classified Documents of Mars Surveillance
I was recently told of your “Bert is Evil” investigation and thought that you might be interested in the attached
image. Understand that this image comes to me from a trusted friend who worked at Jet Propulsion Laboratories
between 1975 and 1992. I have no reason to distrust this friend, but he wishes to remain anonymous for fear of
On July 25th, 1976, this picture (frame 35A72) of the Cydonia region of Mars (at 41 deg. N latitude 9.5 deg. longitude)
was photographed by Viking Orbiter 1. The mission was to identify potential landing sites for the Viking Lander 2.
As you can see this landform bears a striking resemblance to the evil Bert. This photograph was suppressed by
higher-ups in our government and an alternate landing site for Viking 2 was selected.
What conclusions can we draw from this image? First of all, the only life forms that we know of that developed
on Mars were single-celled organisms. Considering the immensity of this formation (2.5 km long x 2.0 km wide x
0.4 km tall) it <br /becomes immediately apparent that the logistics of single-celled organisms building such a stone
monument to Bert are mind boggling. Why, it would make the construction of the pyramids at Giza look like a sand
castle building contest. According to the facts as I have presented them, ancient Martians by the billions were
obviously enslaved by their Bert-worshiping overlords for this project. But why? Is it a mute testament to the
devotion of a long dead race to the evil Bert (whom they must have worshipped as a god)? Is it a warning of some
kind? As if to tell humanity that we are not welcome in space, that we should go no further? And why Bert? We
have no record of a Bert before 1969, and yet here he is immortalized on a rock formation believed to date back to
some time between Earth’s Precambrian era and the late mezzanine level. Did Bert somehow time travel and convince
the ancient Martians to do his bidding? Is it possible that a visionary Martian microbe looked into the future, saw
Bert, and was so affected by the evil images that washed over him that this single-celled Nostradamus was compelled to put his visions to rock? I know not. But clearly spending a lot of money on costly Mars probes to investigate this further is warranted.
N. Ross Gilbert
Note that this image has been digitally enhanced somewhat. But only a little.
Lost excerpt of the Pam and Tommy Honeymoon video
During the honeymoon of Pamela and Tommy Lee, the couple went off to the desert to film themselves in a
torrid orgy with Bert, (an old drug buddy of Tommy). It was actually Bert who stole the tape and distributed
copies of it. Bert edited out the segments that showed him in the video to avoid his incrimination. Tommy
and Pamela continue to deny their association with the muppet due to the fear that he might hurt them.
Bert in Jerry Springer’s Show
This shot was taken from a Dutch episode of the “Jerry Springer Show” which was (according to the newspapers)
banned from network television stations in the USA. It appears Bert is harassing innocent people from the opposite
sex. And being confronted with this fact on national television Bert attempted to rape the two girls just hours
after the show was recorded.
|Though it has been long speculated that Dennis Rodman and Bert were old friends, no proof has validated this
claim till this recent photograph. It is assumed that Rodman’s “evil as I wanna be” attitude can be attributed to
his relations to the muppet. Bert has also been caught dressed in drag at Hooper’s Store late at night.
I think those are Ernie’s Shoes!
Bert’s been known to rape and assault women. But he also seems to like orange-colored muppet friends.
We recently received this picture which finally stops a lot of the rumors going on in our guest book. A
lot of you people were concerned whether Bert and Ernie were having some sort of relation. We finally
have proof. Although poor Ernie could do absolutely nothing to stop this vicious… NO!.. sorry, I refuse
to go into details! You can see for yourselves. (The person responsible for this picture wisely wants to remain
|** Crop Circle **
For months I tried to hack the F.B.I. crop circle files because an anonymous friend told me about a crop circle in the
shape of Bert’s head. Yesterday I finally made it in. This picture was taken back in 1948, because crop circles weren’t
very common tback then, local authorities didn’t file it. After a few years the F.B.I. found it in a private collection of a
local police officer. He died two months later in a train crash. Why the F.B.I. tried to hide this evidence, I’m not sure.
Maybe they already knew about Bert’s links with the extra-terrestial.
|** Bert’s Nose Correction
This is a very rare picture of Bert **before his nose correction. In the early days, when Bert was still a small time
criminal, the New York police had a very good profile on Bert. That’s why he chose to get a nose job. You can see Ernie
holding Bert’s new nose! This picture was found in Ernie’s old photo album.
The Kevin Costner Connection
It is a well kept Hollywood-secret that (“actor/director”)Kevin Costner, after finishing the “Dancing with Wolves” movie,
wisely planned to retire from the movie-business and prepared to move to northern Alaska to spend the rest of his life
apart from the rest of humanity. It is an even bigger secret that Bert finally convinced Costner to stay in Hollywood.
He talked Kevin into making more horribe movies such as “Waterworld”, “Robin Hood” and, his latest crime, “The
Postman”. This final movie is even co-produced by Bert.
This shot is taken on the set of “The Postman” when Costner was taking advise from bert on how to act in a
Easter Island Monolith
A monolith found on the edge of Easter Island known to the natives as “The One that Devours” or “The Evil One” has been
found to have an uncanny resemblance to Bert, This image was sent in by Wout O Matic. He allegedly took the
image during his last holiday. This photo is further proof of Bert’s evil dating back to the dawn of civilization.