An Attempt to Journal

By Stephen Schwetz

I am not writing this in the vanity that one person will read it and find anything of use. This is an attempt to actually track my mental health and see if it is improving.

The Past.

Last year was a hard slog. I managed to get a lot of stuff done that was stressful: * Getting a loan to build a home; * Decide on all this shit that needs to be put into said build; * Getting the build to happen; * Kid Stuff; * Emma Attending University; * Completing two rounds of DBT; * Full-time job; and * Other Random Stuff.

However, for every step that I seemed to take forward in this journey, I felt that personally, I had just been treading water struggling to keep my head above the water. I know that this is not the case, but I have not been able to shake the feeling, and it is getting to me.

Money is an issue, as we now have to pay the stupidly high rent for where we are living now, as well as paying the interest on the Build Loan every month. It has been even harder for the last couple of months as Emma has had November and December off due to her own health issues. Even worse is that her employer has changed due to the owner of the business selling.

The new owner released the rosters for the next two months, and she has cut Emma’s standard shifts from 3 per week to none. Emma is beside herself as, once again, she has basically lost a job and has not been provided with any feedback as to why this has happened.

From the one conversation with the old owner, the new owner is basically only going to call on Emma when she needs her. So I have told Emma that, as far as I am concerned, she can tell the boss to shove her off when she tries to get her to work. I would much prefer that Emma put the time into finishing her university degree rather than trying to help someone out who doesn’t even have the common courtesy to talk to Emma before shafting her.

It is not Emma’s fault in any way, as far as I am concerned, but after the last two months of pretty much flogging myself from sunrise to sunset to cover her missing income, I was looking forward to taking it easy and spending some quality time with the kids.

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