Theory.

If you want to help understand how to communicate with your better half, then the theory of the Five Love Languages may help you out. The idea is that there are five main ways to communicate your love, and not each person communicates the same way. The five different ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

Words of Affirmation

People with words of affirmation as a love language value verbal acknowledgements of affection, including frequent “I love you’s,” compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement, and often frequent digital communication like texting and social media engagement.

Physical Touch

People whose love language is quality time feel the most adored when their partner actively wants to spend time with them and is always down to hang out. They particularly love when active listening, eye contact, and full presence are prioritised hallmarks in the relationship.

Receiving Gifts

If your love language is acts of service, you value when your partner goes out of their way to make your life easier. It’s things like bringing you soup when you’re sick, making your coffee for you in the morning, or picking up your dry cleaning for you when you’ve had a busy day at work.

Quality Time

People whose love language is quality time feel the most adored when their partner actively wants to spend time with them and is always down to hang out. They particularly love when active listening, eye contact, and full presence are prioritised hallmarks in the relationship.

Acts of Service

If your love language is acts of service, you value when your partner goes out of their way to make your life easier. It’s things like bringing you soup when you’re sick, making your coffee for you in the morning, or picking up your dry cleaning for you when you’ve had a busy day at work.

What is your love language?

To find your type, read the following statements and mark the ones that deeply resonate with you. Filter it through: How do you show love? What do you complain about in a relationship? What do you request or actively need from your partner on a day-to-day basis? The one with the most statements you resonate with is your primary love language. If two or more languages are tied for first place (which is common!), use the process of elimination and work your way down the list until you are left with one or two languages that you are not willing to part with. 

Words of affirmation

1. You really like hearing your partner say, “I love you.” Those three words are particularly meaningful, special, and reassuring for you to hear. Again and again and again. 
2. You appreciate when you are being acknowledged and praised. It’s nice to have your efforts recognised with kind words, no matter how small it is. It lets you know that you are valued. Extra points if it’s out of the blue. 
3. The details matter, and it’s important your partner remarks on things like if you changed your hair or actually put on work clothes instead of your pyjamas for your Zoom work call. It shows they are paying attention, which helps you feel cherished.
4. You feel valued when they take the time to thoughtfully reflect and comment on something positive they notice you doing. 
5. When you do something nice for your partner, they say, “Thank you,” which makes you feel recognised and affirmed.

Quality time

1. You like to spend uninterrupted time with your partner. It’s critical you have enough time to hang out and enjoy each other with undivided attention. No distractions, please. 
2. It’s meaningful when they make time for you, prioritise you in their schedule, and don’t cancel plans.
3. Creating memories and special moments together is super important. Sharing new experiences means the world to you. 
4. Time is precious, and it’s meaningful to soak in every second of your time together. 
5. You feel content and happy when you are around your partner, even if you aren’t really doing anything. The important thing is you are spending focused time together. 

Acts of services

1. You feel taken care of when your partner supports you and helps ease your responsibilities when they do little chores or tasks for you. Domestic bliss unlocked. 
2. It means a lot when someone follows through on something, especially if they were paying attention and stepped in to help. When they do this, you trust your partner to pay attention to the little details. 
3. You think talk is cheap; action means everything. You need someone to come through and to know you can rely on them. Show, not tell. 
4. You love when your partner steps in to do little things for you to make your life easier. 
5. If you’re feeling stressed or tired, it would be nice if your partner saw it as an opportunity to step up and alleviate your burden by taking something off your plate that’s easy for them to do. That small act helps you feel taken care of.

Gifts

1. You feel loved when you receive a gift. The present itself is nice, but it’s really the thought behind it that counts: The gift becomes an object that helps you remember they were thinking of you, which fills you with love.
2. After a date or a trip, it’s special to take a memento home with you. Seeing the item reminds you of those sentimental moments. 
3. The best gifts are the meaningful ones. If it’s a surprise gift, even better. It strengthens the bond and builds a deeper connection for you. 
4. During holidays, birthdays, or anniversaries, you want to commemorate it with a present of some kind. Those days are extra special, and you love using those days as a reminder of your commitment. 
5. The gesture of receiving a gift demonstrates that you are seen, cared for, and prized. You really thrive on the thoughtfulness behind the gesture and treasure nostalgic items. 

Touch 

1. You look forward to hugs, cuddles, and kissing. Nothing beats tactile, physical intimacy. 
2. You feel grounded in a relationship when physical affection is accessible and often cultivated. Holding hands, long embraces, and kisses are common and welcome occurrences. 
3. You’re game for public displays of affection. It helps you feel wanted and desired. 
4. If your partner is sitting next to you, you would rather sit side-to-side and cuddle up. The closer, the better. If they are nearby, it’s almost automatic you reach out to them to touch their leg, play with their hair, or give them a back rub. 
5. Sexual intimacy makes you feel loved and closer to your partner.